Goodbye to You
by I Luv Jimmy
Summary: When Jimmy is offered a promotion, what will Kim do?


Title: Goodbye to You  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters affliated with the show "Third Watch", they all belong to NBC. Nor do I own the song "Goodbye to You", it belongs to Michelle Branch.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first try at fanfic, this story is a one-shot deal. If you like it, I'll try to come up with some more, if you don't I'll forget it. Construtive critiscism and comments are both requested and appreciated. Flames are not. Please give me some feedback, I'm very nervous about this.  
  
Of all the things I've believed in,  
  
I just want to get it over with,  
  
Tears form behind my eyes,  
  
But I do not cry,  
  
Counting the days that pass me by.  
  
Me and Jimmy, we're happy now. We've been back together for three years now, Joey is growing up with a stable family. Jimmy's given up on his old ways, save for the bike, which I let him keep.  
  
Things can only get better from here, right? That's what I thought anyhow. Until this happened. I didn't want it to be over with, never wanted it to end. Neither did Jimmy. Just as my world was coming back together, it's starting to fall apart again.   
  
At first, few people thought that Jimmy was the best choice for Lieutenant. But he's changed alot. Now they think he's doing such a good job that they want to promote him. At first, I didn't have anything against a promotion. After all, a higher position would mean more money, and a better life for the three of us. That's when I found out the promotion would require a move, and not just around the corner either. No, they needed Jimmy to move to Chicago, not just another city, but another state entirely.  
  
I can't just uproot my life like that. My whole world resides in one little corner of New York. My mom is here, my sister is here, my job, my entire LIFE is here. I can't just up and leave. And then there's Joey. He has a good life going for him here in New York. You can't transplant something like that the same way you could the TV or the microwave. Life just doesn't work like that.  
  
I've been searching deep down in my soul,  
  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old,  
  
It feels like I'm starting all over again,  
  
The last three years were just pretend,  
  
And I said,  
  
Jimmy doesn't seem to understand though. I wonder why. His whole life is here too. It must be a guy thing. Or maybe he just figured I would be willing to take Joey and leave, leave behind a lifetime for him and his job. Maybe it's because he doesn't have as much invested in this little corner as I do. After all, his family is down south, he hasn't seen them in years. But can Jimmy really just turn his back on Camelot like that? That place has been home to him for years now, even longer than I've been there. Although it's never really been the same for him since Lieu and Alex died. I think maybe that's part of it. He needs to get away from that, needs to forget it all. But you can't forget something like that, can you?  
  
I'm starting to get real sick of Jimmy's act. Why doesn't he just turn the promotion down? I thought we meant more to each other than that. Don't we? I think it's time we sat down and had a talk.  
  
Goodbye to you,  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,  
  
You were the one I loved,  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.  
  
I'm not ready to say good-bye to us yet. We fell for each other the moment we met, and even though we have gotten back up on our feet and gone through numerous other relationships and problems, we still ended up together. We have so much, and I'm not willing to let it all get away in one shot, because of one obstacle. We've been through so much together, I can't just give up on Jimmy, on us like that.   
  
I still get lost in your eyes  
  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you,  
  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away,  
  
To a place where I am blinded by the light,  
  
But it's not right.  
  
Blinded. That's what I am. Blinded. In my head, I know it's over, but I can't see past the fog of my heart, which isn't ready to let go. I don't want to hurt myself, or Jimmy, or Joey like that by allowing myself to see the truth. But if I let things go on any longer, keep pretending that nothing is wrong, then I'll just hurt them more. I don't want to lead them on like that. No, it's time for me to be strong, time to let the fog clear and move on.  
  
Goodbye to you,  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,  
  
You were the one I loved,  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.  
  
I talked to Jimmy today. Both of us had to own up to the truth, the fact that it's over between us. As much as it hurt, it felt good to know it was dealt with. I don't have to go on pretending, putting on a cheery face and hoping the problem will disappear. We ended it on our terms this time, not the terms of his bookie, or his latest affair, but our terms. That felt really good. Well, as good as breaking up with the one man you have ever really loved can feel, anyhow.  
  
I'm not looking forward to the next part. I have to tell my son that his father and I are splitting up- again. I know he'll try hard to act like it's no big deal, but I also know that he will be crushed inside, just like the first time we broke up. It'll be even harder on him this time, I think, because we built up his dream, made it a reality. And now we're waking him up, bringing him back to reality. I feel like a witch for doing this to him, but I know in my heart it's the right thing for us.   
  
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,  
  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine,  
  
I want you  
  
But I'm not giving in this time.  
  
I didn't want it to end. I wanted this, our second chance, to last forever. I wanted us to go back to being a normal family, wanted Joey to have a mother and father who loved both him and each other. Wanted to buy a house, and have dinner conversations. We would nag at our son to clean his room. Jimmy and I would work normal hours, maybe switch to the second watch. We could come home after work, and sit down to a meal, maybe go out to a movie afterwards. We would put our son to bed, and then go to bed ourselves. Everything would be perfect. Yeah, we would fight from time to time, but that would still be perfect, because it would be normal. And to me, normal is perfection. How could it not be after the messed up life I've had?   
  
I want to go back to Jimmy, to apologize. I want him to turn down the promotion, and us to go back to living our normal, perfect life. But I know that what I want is not what's best for any of us. It's the same unrealistic dream we've had for years, the dream that finally became a reality. At least, we all thought it was reality. But now we've been rudely awakened, and I don't like it at all.   
  
Sometimes, when you first wake up, all you really want is to go back to sleep, fall back into the dream you were having, to see what happens next. But in reality, you can't do that. You have to get up and face the day. And that's what I have to do now. I can't fall back into that dream, can't let myself fall for Jimmy again. I have to keep going, get back to a normal life without him. It's been so long since I've done that, I'm not quite sure how. But I'll figure it out. I know I will.  
  
Goodbye to you,  
  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,  
  
You were the one I loved,  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to,  
  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.  
  
Jimmy's gone now. He took the promotion, moved to Chicago. Joey and I are alone again. No, let me correct that last statement. Joey and I are together again, just the two of us. Actually, that's not right either. We have my mom, Melanie, the guys at Camelot. We may have lost Jimmy, but we still have a family. It may not be a normal family, but it's what's right for us.  
  
And when the stars fall,   
  
I will lie awake.  
  
You're my shooting star.  
  
Sometimes, if we're having a slow night down at the firehouse, I go up to the roof to watch the stars. I look up into that night sky, and I think of Jimmy. He was beautiful, but he couldn't last. He was my shooting star. 


End file.
